I have been quite fearful of posting this story on here because it does not honestly paint a very good light on a lot of the parties involved. I recently read an article by a woman who used to be pro-abortion and her learning not to be pro-life. While I am not stating where I stand on this issue, I want to be clear, this story does talk about abortion, un-wed pregnancy, and family shaming you into an abortion. If any of these are sore topics for you, please do not read this story, negative comment, or do anything other than support, love, and understand.
I was too young to be pregnant, but as I sat in the bathroom of my parents home, alone, in a dark house staring at those two pink lines, I could not help but feel a sense of calm come over me. I suspected I might be, was frightened I might be, but in the end, I knew I wanted to be a mother. It was the one for sure thing I knew I wanted to be when I grew up. I was 19, in my sophomore year in college, and now pregnant. I knew my life was going to change and that was going to be ok. I slowly opened the door and showed my boyfriend of almost 3 years the test and the look on his face shattered me. Without a word, he turned around and walked out of the house. He went across the street and started drinking with our friends. I would later find out that he told all of them about our secret. He told all of them how he felt about it, but did not even say one word to me. I sat there on the bathroom floor and cried. After a few minute a sense of calm came over me and I knew that no matter what, I wanted this baby. Even if it meant the boy I loved was now out of the picture. I gathered my things, got in the car, and immediately drove to target. As I walked down the aisle to look for prenatal vitamins he called and asked me to come home.
That was just the beginning of our journey. A few short days later I had scheduled an appointment with my Doctor to confirm the pregnancy and we sat there in the room waiting for the results and I remember telling him that It was ok and I could raise this baby on my own if he felt like it was ruining his life. But he stuck through it and I was so glad he did because I did not yet know the hardships that were about to come. After talking to the doctor we decided it would be best to each tell our own parents separately. While I knew my parents would not be thrilled, I was not expecting the reaction I got from them. We expected his parents to be mad, and even throw him out of the house again. But that is not what happened. While they were disappointed, they were also extremely supportive in the weeks and months to come. My parents were a completely different story.
I was immediately told that I would have to move out once we told people. I was told that they would support me only if I had an abortion and was questioned over the next few weeks if I had given it any thought. My mother stopped talking to me, unless my sister who was 9 years younger than me and completely unaware was around, and even then it was only one word sentences. This went on for the entire first 6 months of my pregnancy. I felt alone. I felt pushed into a corner. Everyone around me was saying they would be there for me if I had the abortion, but no one said they’d ‘be there for me’ if I had the baby. Everyone pushed me to get an abortion because it benefited them. I was 19, unmarried, in collage, with my whole life ahead of me and they felt this baby would ruin my life. I felt like I was being backed into a corner and there were honestly times where I felt like I had no other option, I had no one to talk to, and no one supporting me. At a time in my life where I really just need my mom to be there for me and tell me everything was going to be ok, I was given the cold shoulder, and it hurt.
They began to tell me things like, “ So what are you going to do Lisa, raise a baby by yourself in a car?” “You need to drop out of school because you will not be able to attend classes with a baby.” “You are ruining your life.” “You are not even going to be able to support a baby because you will not be able to work without child care, and if you do work you will have to have 3 jobs to be able to afford that child care and a baby.” “No one is going to hire you anyway without an education or job experience. There are 30 and 40 year olds out there that can not even find work right now and they will hire them before they hire you.” “You are too immature to raise a child.” “You are never going to be able to put someone else ahead of yourself, look at this situation, you are not even putting your mother’s feelings ahead of yourself.” “Hopefully you will just miscarry and this whole mess will be in the past.”
So I was told I would have to move out of my house, because I had a younger sister at home, I was told I had to leave school because finding a way to get daycare and continue classes was out of the question. After two months of this I felt so defeated, so broken down, and so alone. I began to see there not being another choice. But I knew this baby deserved to live. So I went on. I went to classes, then went home and sat in my room alone. Day after day. Until finally at 6 months pregnant, I was told I had to tell my family, and I had to be the one to do it because they would all be just as ashamed of me as my parents were. I never felt more relieved than once my sister, grandparents, and aunt found out I was pregnant. I finally felt supported and loved. Even though my mother still was not talking to me. Even though I was not aloud to share it on Facebook. Even though I was now out of my house and living with my boyfriend and his family where I did not feel at home. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I had felt so horrible about everything going on in my life I had lost 30 pounds since I found out I was pregnant. Stress literally starved me. My mother still was ashamed of me. Embarrassed to have her daughter pregnant. But that was finally becoming ok. She tried her best to refuse to give me a baby shower, because in her eyes this was not a happy occasion. But thankfully my aunt, her sister, stepped in and things were finally looking up.
When my son came it was like my mother changed and was suddenly happy to be a grandmother. And today she is completely different and we have grown much closer. But she still does not know the pain she put me through in those 9 months I really needed her. She is still unaware of how hard it is for me to look past.
Up until my son I never knew anyone who shared the same DNA as me. I was adopted and didn’t grow up knowing my birth family and to me, this child was exactly the family I needed when I felt like I had no one else. He has become my best friend and my beacon of hope through all these years.
My story was not an easy one, but I wanted to give some inside to those families who are struggling with their son or daughter’s pregnancy what it is like for them. So for those of you out there who feel like your loved one will only be ok if they choose abortion please read this and reexamine your own thinking. Right now it is not about you. Right now it is about her and that baby and what she wants to do about it and what you can do to support her in that choice! Is this really such a great thing to be offered to those young women who are brave enough to choose their own flesh and blood over everything else in their life? The most important thing right now is not your pride, your wishes, or your feelings. The most important thing is giving that young woman the support that you will be there no matter which choice she chooses. Because in the end, she will be the one living with that choice. She will be the one feeling the pain that comes after the abortion. She will be the one feeling the grief of giving birth to a baby, then walking out of the hospital having handed that baby to a stranger she chose to raise it. She will be the one who will be up at night feeding and changing that baby. And for any first time pregnant mom, all three of those options are scary.
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